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What should you do if your child blames you for the divorce?

On Behalf of | Nov 10, 2022 | High-Asset Divorce |

A divorce is taxing on all Illinois estranged couples, but things can be even worse if your child blames you. Kids can have just as tough a time with the change in the family situation and lash out for a variety of reasons. These are some things you can do if your child blames you for the divorce.

Acknowledge their feelings

Although you might feel hurt by your child blaming you for the divorce and breaking up the family, be calm. Acknowledge their feelings and avoid getting defensive. Put yourself in your child’s place and realize that they might have been happy in spite of the state of your marriage. Accept that your child is upset and validate those feelings.

Avoid blaming your former spouse

When you’re divorcing, it’s easy to lay the blame on your former spouse after your child has expressed anger and points the finger at you. However, the best thing to do is avoid doing that. Even if your former spouse has been badmouthing you to your child and instilling in them that you are at fault, you have to be the bigger person.

On the other hand, if you and your former spouse fought in front of your child before the split, that could be why your child blames you for the divorce. This is hard to swallow, but you should both take responsibility for the marriage ending.

Accept responsibility

Your child is smarter than you think and might know more than you think. If you played any part in why you ended up divorcing, it’s natural for your child to blame you. For example, having an extramarital affair is a common reason for a married couple to end up in divorce court. Children notice these things, so accept responsibility for your part.

Children hurt after divorce, but you can make amends and repair your relationship if they blame you.